The incredible benefits of making people feel seen and heard

The incredible benefits of making people feel seen and heardThe incredible benefits of making people feel seen - and heardThe discussion was impassioned and heated. And while I had notlage initiated the debate, I unconsciously slid into an old habit of jumping into the fray.I started to share my perspective when a woman named Audrey abruptly turned away from me and started to make her case to someone else in our group. I tried to make eye contact but she wouldnt look at me. I called her by name but she ignored me.In that moment, when Audrey turned around and did not answer me, I felt the rage that comes from being unacknowledged, invisible, nonexistent.Follow Ladders on FlipboardFollow Ladders magazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, and moreGenerally, I have the incredible fortune of living my life with rank and privilege. I am CEO of a company, an advisor to senior leaders, and I write about, and teach, leadership. My experience is one of being acknowledged, answered, seen, and heard.But in that discussion, for the briefest of moments, I dipped my toe into the sea of disregard that so many swim in all their lives.The effects of being ignoredDr. Kipling Williamss research on the effects of being ignored and excluded reveal an unsurprising truth being ignored hurts. And it instigates behavior (often anti-social) thats meant to recover your existence. In other words, people who are ignored will do things that cannot be ignored.There is no greater obligation that we have as leaders, than to see those around us. Not just glance their way but give them the experience of being fully seen. The opposite of invisible.This, Kiplings research suggests, leads to social attentiveness and pro-social behaviors. The opposite of our reaction to invisibility.Think about your colleagues. And about your employees, including the most juniorchef among them. Think about your clients or customers. Think about people you work with of a different culture, race, or background, a different social status or education.Do they feel seen by you? Heard by you?Our sacred (and very practical) obligation as leaders is to see and hear the people around us. Which, at times, can be hard.How to see the people around youBut nothing could be simpler Ask questions and listen to the answers.Let the tone of your questions be curiosity, not interrogation. This wont just help you understand the opinions of the people around you, it will help you understand them. How did they come to hold that view? What is behind it? Who are they?In other words, while their opinions might inform you, and maybe even influence your opinions and decisions, your listening will also give them an experience of being seen and heard.Peoples opinions, especially strongly felt ones, are a window into their soul. You will hear their longings, their fears, their uncertainties and struggles. Understand what that opinion says about who they are, what they care abou t. Why it matters to them so much. You will see them and they will feel seen.There are millions of people, some of them in your company, who rarely feel seen or heard from leadership. Imagine the social attentiveness and pro-social behaviors you could generate simply by asking and listening.Look around you today. Who can you see?This article originally appeared on Heleo.You might also enjoyNew neuroscience reveals 4 rituals that will make you happyStrangers know your social class in the first seven words you say, study finds10 lessons from Benjamin Franklins daily schedule that will double your productivityThe worst mistakes you can make in an interview, according to 12 CEOs10 habits of mentally strong people

3 powerful ways to believe in yourself (and stop putting your success on hold)

3 powerful ways to believe in yourself (and stop putting your success on hold)3 powerful ways to believe in yourself (and stop putting your success on hold)Theres a small voice in your head that seems to pop up, especially when you plan to take action towards your goals.This voice whispers to you- ansicht ideas wont work for me, What if it isnt good enough?, Can I really do this?, What if I fail?, I dont believe in myself.Follow Ladders on FlipboardFollow Ladders magazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, and moraThis voice can get so strong that it eventually takes control of your life. No matter what you try to do to fight this voice away, it just gets louder and more powerful.And then, instead of achieving your goals, youve made little progression because this voice of self-doubt has crippled your belief in yourself.If you dont believe in yourself, how can you achieve the level of success you desire i.e. build that dream business, wri te that bestselling book, lose weight and so on? And what if instead of having self-doubt in your abilities, you would believe in yourself?Let me share with you 3 simple strategies you can use today to believe in yourself and start making more progress in your life.Hi. Before we dive into the main course, Id like to give you a free eBook guide including the best practical ideas and proven science for building good habits and breaking bad ones. If youd like to learn these ideas on how to stick to your goals and stop procrastinating, you can download my free PDF guide Change Your Habits here.How To Believe In Yourself1. Practice Talking Positively To YourselfLife isnt about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself George Bernard ShawFrom the first moment your head lifts off the pillow every morning, you are constantly bombarded by negative messages from society and media telling you that youre not good enough.This isnt anything new.If you really think about it, from the momen t you were born, you had a positive can do outlook on life. That is until people around you spoke negative words that stuck in your mind. Then you stopped believing in yourself.One of the best ways to reverse this negativity is to practice daily positive self-talk. This isnt some law of attraction magical woo-woo strategy, the power of self-talk and perception is also backed by proven science. 1David Sarwer, psychologist and clinical director at the Center for Weight and Eating Disorders at the University of Pennsylvania uses self-talk strategies to help his new weight loss clients achieve their health goals.Heres how it worksDavid Sarwer gets his clients to stand in front of the mirror and then encourages them to use more gentle, neutral language as they evaluate their bodies.Instead of speaking negatively about their body, My abdomen is disgusting and grotesque, Sarwer prompts them to say instead that My abdomen is round, my abdomen is big its bigger than Id like it to be.His goal is to remove the negative and pejorative terms from the patients self-talk.Sarwer believes that the weight loss client must change their perception of their body to achieve and sustain their health goals. 2I personally used a similar strategy to get over my fear and self-doubt of writing my first book and public speaking. I struggled to meet my deadlines because of the self doubts that my work wouldnt be good enough to be shared with the public.To combat this as an experiment, I would stand in front of the mirror every morning and speak positive words about my abilities as a writer and a speaker.As soon as my self-image changed, my actions followed swiftly.Within 3 to 6 months I self published my first book, delivered a 20-minute speech in front of a hundred plus strong audience and launched some small business projects.You can use this strategy as well.PracticeSet a 2-5 minutes timer as soon as you wake up and before going to bed everyday. Stand in front of the mirror and simply b egin to talk to yourself with positive words counteracting your self-doubts.For example, instead of telling yourself that my work isnt good enough simply switch it around and tell yourself that my work is unique and good enough to be shared with the world.Rinse and repeat for 30 days.Remember that youre not lying to yourself here. Youre simply reminding yourself of the truth about your capabilities before your mind was heavily bombarded with negativity as a child.2. Let Go Of Negative People in Your LifeDont waste another minute dealing with a toxic, negative, energy-draining person. Some people are wired for negativity. They love being argumentative, combative and abusive. zustrom for your life as quickly as possible.- Les BrownThese are the people you may know who always have something negative to say about your goals and aspirations. Alwayshatingwithout giving any positive criticism.The less time you spend around these schrift of negative people, the less self-doubt you will str uggle with and the more you will believe in yourself.Research has shown that negativity is contagious, just like a cold or flu.Psychologist Elaine Hatfield has found through studies that we have a tendency to mimic the body language, feel emotional displays and experiences of people we spend time with- especially, negative people. 3Yes its tough to let go of negative friends particularly those youve known them for years. But, how can you inspire your friend to become a better person if being around their negativity is holding you back from success?By setting tight boundaries in the relationship and reducing the time spent with them, you stand a much better chance of achieving your goals and inspiring them to become a better person in the process.3. Focus on the small steps with a long-term perspective.If you spend an extra hour each day of study in your chosen field you will be a national expert in that field in five years or less.- Earl NightingaleIts easy to fall into the trap of obsessing over a final outcome- to look like that person with the fit body, successful business or bestselling books- whilst completely ignoring the years of consistency they put into their craftto get to that point.This type of outcome-oriented thinking is a recipe for paralysis from self-doubt andchronic procrastination.Instead, shift your focus towards what you can do consistently today, tomorrow and the next, that will bring you one step closer to that goal.By staying consistent and sticking to your goals, no matter how small, you can build the necessary self-confidence and skills to create the quality of work and life you desire.Believe In YourselfUltimately, youre the only person that can truly believe in yourself, nobody else can.The next time you struggle with self-doubt holding you back from success, ask yourself this powerful questionHow would the person Id like to be do the same thing Im about to do?Thensimply be and act like the type of person youd like to beregardless of the doubts running through your mind.Practice daily self-talk, cut the negativity from your life and focus on the consistent small steps- then youll be well on your way to achieving your dreams.This article first appeared on MayoOshin.com.Mayo Oshin writes atMayoOshin.com,where he shares well-researched ideas based on proven science, philosophy and the habits of highly successful people, for stress-free productivity. To get these strategies to stop procrastinating, get more things by doing less and reclaim up to 20 hours of wasted time each week, you canjoin his free weekly newsletter.FOOTNOTES

Caution! Dont do any of these 4 things after a job interview

Caution Dont do any of these 4 things after a job interviewCaution Dont do any of these 4 things after a job interviewIts normal to feel a rollercoaster of emotions after a job interview, but there are certain things you just shouldnt do.Dont freak outSara McCord, a freelance writer and editor, writes in The Muse that you shouldnt drive yourself crazy when you havent been contacted yet about if you got the job.After writing about how anxious she was while waiting to hear back about one, how its not always wrong to be so in tune with it, and more, she mentions a method she uses.Your personal timeline will depend on your circumstances, but if I make it to the final round for any given job, I give myself one week when Im allowed to think about it non-stop. For an entire week, I dont apply to other jobs (assuming I dont have anything else in the works), almost as a show of confidence in myself, she writes. For the skeptics who think this means Ill miss my chance elsewhere, the second par t of the one-week rule is that, after a week, I go back to job-hunting business as usual, and pick up right where I left off.Dont cross social media boundariesOnce you do this, theres no going back.Fred Whelan and Gladys Stone, formerly of Whelan Stone Executive Search, write in Monster that you shouldnt friend the interviewer on Facebook.Whelan is currently retired and Stone now works as the Principal, Digital Technology Markets at Korn Ferry.Looking for an inspiring way to start your day? Sign up forMorning MotivationIts our friendly Facebook robot that will send you a quick note every weekday morning to help you start strong. Sign up here by clicking Get StartedTrying to connect with an interviewer on Facebook crosses a boundary that should not be broached. It tells the interviewer you dont know how to draw the line between employer and employee, and you would likely have difficulty with that distinction if you were hired for the job, they write.Dont drop the ball during a follo w-upCaroline Ceniza-Levine, co-founder of SixFigureStart, and an Adjunct Assistant prof of International and Public Affairs at Columbia University, writes in Money that letting the quality schlpfer after the interview is an error.How you follow up after an interview is just as important as the interview, sometimes even more important, because its the most recent impression of you. One candidate for a business development role had multiple typos in his thank you note, she writes. He was incredibly polished for the live meeting but sloppy in the follow-up, and it caused the hiring group to question his attention to detail. Dont drop the ball at the very end.Ceniza-Levine later continues, In my 20 years of recruiting, Ive seen many candidates get closed out for one job only to get called in for something else by the saatkorn company or by the same person (who now is at a different company but remembers them fondly). Keep your quality high at every interaction.Dont forget to send a than k youHurryKelly Marinelli, principal people strategy consultant at Solve HR, tellsU.S. News World Reporthow to handle a thank you response.Some people like to do it in writing, but with how quickly things move, I always advise an email right away the next day. By waiting a few days or a week, youve really lost your opportunity at that point to make a great impression.Caution Dont do any of these 4 things after a job interviewIts normal to feel a rollercoaster of emotions after a job interview, but there are certain things you just shouldnt do.Dont freak outSara McCord, a freelance writer and editor, writes in The Muse that you shouldnt drive yourself crazy when you havent been contacted yet about if you got the job.After writing about how anxious she was while waiting to hear back about one, how its not always wrong to be so in tune with it, and more, she mentions a method she uses.Your personal timeline will depend on your circumstances, but if I make it to the final round for any given job, I give myself one week when Im allowed to think about it non-stop. For an entire week, I dont apply to other jobs (assuming I dont have anything else in the works), almost as a show of confidence in myself, she writes. For the skeptics who think this means Ill miss my chance elsewhere, the second part of the one-week rule is that, after a week, I go back to job-hunting business as usual, and pick up right where I left off.Follow Ladders on FlipboardFollow Ladders magazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, and moreDont cross social media boundariesOnce you do this, theres no going back.Fred Whelan and Gladys Stone, formerly of Whelan Stone Executive Search, write in Monster that you shouldnt friend the interviewer on Facebook.Whelan is currently retired and Stone now works as the Principal, Digital Technology Markets at Korn Ferry.Trying to connect with an interviewer on Facebook crosses a boundary that should not be broached . It tells the interviewer you dont know how to draw the line between employer and employee, and you would likely have difficulty with that distinction if you were hired for the job, they write.Dont drop the ball during a follow-upCaroline Ceniza-Levine, co-founder of SixFigureStart, and an Adjunct Assistant Professor of International and Public Affairs at Columbia University, writes in Money that letting the quality slip after the interview is an error.How you follow up after an interview is just as important as the interview, sometimes even more important, because its the most recent impression of you. One candidate for a business development role had multiple typos in his thank you note, she writes. He was incredibly polished for the live meeting but sloppy in the follow-up, and it caused the hiring group to question his attention to detail. Dont drop the ball at the very end.Ceniza-Levine later continues, In my 20 years of recruiting, Ive seen many candidates get closed out for one job only to get called in for something else by the same company or by the same person (who now is at a different company but remembers them fondly). Keep your quality high at every interaction.Dont forget to send a thank youHurryKelly Marinelli, principal people strategy consultant at Solve HR, tellsU.S. News World Reporthow to handle a thank you response.Some people like to do it in writing, but with how quickly things move, I always advise an email right away the next day. By waiting a few days or a week, youve really lost your opportunity at that point to make a great impression.You might also enjoyNew neuroscience reveals 4 rituals that will make you happyStrangers know your social class in the first seven words you say, study finds10 lessons from Benjamin Franklins daily schedule that will double your productivityThe worst mistakes you can make in an interview, according to 12 CEOs10 habits of mentally strong people